I became interested in psychedelic psychotherapy a while back because it's different, it's exciting and it's outside of the box. That is my specialty... breaking out of that box, finding freedom in being unique and different from the norm. I thought that the clients who are drawn to me would probably also be drawn to or at least curious about the possibilities. I was excited.
In Oregon, the laws are such that someone like me can become credentialed to provide psilocybin retreats and ongoing psychedelic-assisted therapy. So, I started taking training and looking into what it would take for me to build an arm of my business in this modality. That is what started me on my journey.
Over the past couple of years, I have done research. Both academic and experiential. I am learning that magic mushrooms are amazing earth medicine that humans have been utilizing as long as there have been humans. I have a spiritual belief about its benefits and I think I have an incredible opportunity to team with the universe and help people manifest the life transformations they desire, using a completely different state of mind than they are used to. How is that not exciting?
If you have never experienced psilocybin, it is a commitment. Let's say 6 hours. As a therapist providing this specialized service, either I work for a much lower hourly rate than normal or, I charge regular folks an obscene fee for individual sessions. Even if that did not feel unethical to me, it would add time constraints on everything else I want to do. The only way I see myself enjoying this would be yearly retreats with other providers and many participants. I am open to this and networking with people who are also interested in figuring out how to include this in their offerings. So, what then?
When I first learned of ketamine-assisted therapy in courses I took, I disregarded it and focused on the other, plant medicines for psychedelic work. I wasn't interested. It went into my "not for me" box and tried to be ignored. I had a judgment about it before I ever allowed myself to be curious about it. I am a chicken and was afraid to try it but I felt like if I wanted to do psychedelic-assisted therapy - and if I wanted to enjoy it, I had to expand my options.
Knowing that it would wear off in an hour was helpful. Even if I hated it... I can do anything for an hour. My dear sweet departed best friend Rob first introduced me to ketamine. I felt very safe in his presence and I trusted him. It wasn't "therapy" because we were friends, but it was beautiful. I had an experience of feeling connected to all. To be loved completely by God/The Universe/All That Is, and I felt absolutely connected and included. I felt incredible for days, and I'll add that this was last year during my horrible 2 year long-covid experience and emotional struggle. Thank you, Rob! It was transformative. I felt hope and it was a pivotal point in my recovery.
Since then I have studied more about ketamine and shadowed some sessions with a seasoned therapist. I found a ketamine-assisted therapy provider and signed up to try it as a client. I didn't follow the suggestions of weekly sessions because I was still a little scared. I signed up with a program that sends the medication and you can use an app that has music and a journal. I thought because I am a therapist and I have a shit ton of training, I could do it on my own. And I did. It felt good and I am sure I benefitted from it, but I waited weeks or a month between sessions, and without the chance to process my experience with someone, I forgot much of it between sessions and I didn't take what I learned with me between sessions.
After I completed those sessions, I signed up as a provider with another company. One that focuses much more on including a therapist. I matched with another provider to exchange ketamine-assisted therapy. She and I meet twice a week and provide each other with amazing experiences. As a therapist, this experience has been invaluable to me. My skills in this area are growing fast and feel as natural as breathing. My learning partner is a fantastic therapist who I learn from each week. I had no idea what a huge benefit it would be to have a therapist there with me and to help me integrate my experience as my medication is wearing off.
My son Tino took his own life in 2010 and since that time I have clocked TONS of therapy hours. I was diagnosed with PTSD and had constant feelings of grief that had just become part of me. I accepted that and found silver linings and ways to move forward despite the weight of that terrible experience. But it weighed on me, always.
I want to share that my ketamine journey recently took me to a slightly scary experience of facing this sadness and grief. When I faced that shadow, it was not only my grief for Tino... It was my dad, my mom, my grandparents, my friend Rob, and also grief over lost opportunities, mistakes, and even some of my cherished belongings (my 67 VW Bug my dad gave me when I turned 16). It provided me with a healing experience that literally changed me. That feeling I thought had just become me, was not me. I do not feel that weight anymore and I am getting used to how it now feels to be "me".
In a world where recreational drug use is epidemic, Drugs and alcohol addictions have wreaked havoc on my family and so many people I have loved. I have lost too many people I loved to drugs. I used to be a substance abuse counselor in both outpatient and residential settings. As you can imagine, I have some reservations about encouraging anyone to try this wonderful therapy modality.
